To Love a Woman
by Kagomaru
Summary: There are lies we tell to save ourselves from pain, and words that we wish we had the chance to say. Sequel to 'To love a man.'


Disclaimer: I do NOT own Naruto or any of its characters, that right is reserved for Masashi Kishimoto.

**To love a woman**

Blood dripped from shaking finger tips as he gently caressed her hair, and he knew that it was over.

Blood was draining from her body more quickly than he could comprehend and he had never even told her the truth. He had loved her for so long that he couldn't even imagine what it would be like to be with someone else.

For two years he had watched her from afar. Desperately craving her, but refusing to let himself taint the perfection that was her smile. For two years he held on to the hope that she would find someone better so that he could finally let her go… and then she had almost died.

He had been locked in battle miles away from her when it had happened, and when he had finally reached her side she had been gasping for breath as her lungs slowly filled with blood. And he hadn't been able to let her go even after she recovered.

For three months he had lived each day to make her happy. Given her all of himself to do with as she would, and she had loved him. Even before she spoke the words, he knew.

But all it took was one simple conversation to break everything.

They had gone to the memorial stone to mourn the tenth anniversary of Asuma's passing and she had said that she didn't know how Kurenai had survived it. She had looked at him lovingly from under her eyelashes and joked that it was a good thing she was dating the famous Copy-nin, because she wouldn't have to worry about whether or not she could perfectly reproduce Chio-baa-sama's medical jutsu.

The thought alone had made his blood run cold. He asked her, masking his worry with humor, what she would do if he turned out to not be invincible after-all. And she told him.

"Kakashi, I wouldn't want to live in this world if you weren't here and I hadn't tried _everything_ to bring you back."

He slept alone that night, finding tears dripping down his face at just the idea of her sacrificing herself for him; and he had known that he would have to end it.

For two weeks he tried to pull back, to create a distance between them to make it easier. But every time she called his name he found himself trapped within the world he had created for them. So he had had to break it.

On their last day he held her as closely as he could, trying to hold on to the moment, to memorize her every movement- to sustain him for a lifetime without her. And then he had let her go.

From time to time he found his resolve wavering, found her smile too enticing to leave her side. But when she asked him, looked up at him with her emerald eyes and asked if they could start again he refused before conscious thought could catch up with his words.

All the fear that had made him let her go, made him push her away ten times harder the second time.

The three years of silence that followed had been never-ending agony for him. He had watched as she tried to drown her pain in men and alcohol. Had listened at the window as she cried herself to sleep for months afterward; and when she had come back to him and spoken as she had before any of it had begun, he couldn't stop himself from letting her.

He let her in like a balm on a wound. She protected his heart with her friendship, and he protected hers with his lies.

He needed something to keep himself from her without ruining everything, so he had told her of his love for another woman. In truth it was an old story, a one-sided love that had never blossomed. More than ten years prior.

And now she'd never know.

She would never know that he had told her that so he could hold her close without letting her love him.

She would never know that he would have ripped the heart from his chest to keep her safe.

She would never know he loved her…

Unable to stop himself for a second longer he slid the hitai-ate from his eye and studied her chakra pathways carefully. It was empty, cold.

"I don't want to live in this world without you either Sakura… didn't you know? I'm the only person out there as stubborn as you, and I couldn't risk you killing yourself for me. I couldn't risk having to live in this world without _you,_ it isn't _living_ without you."

Kakashi closed his eyes as he cradled her head to his chest. He put his forehead to the rapidly cooling skin of hers, and pulled down his mask to place a tender kiss upon her petal soft lips.

She was the woman who had stolen his heart as easily as finding leaves in a forest. The woman who had begged him to love her even as he knew that it wasn't possible to love her more. She was the woman who had made him believe there was still something of beauty left in a word rapidly growing dark with hate and killing.

She was the woman who would have killed herself to save him, to save herself from living in a world without him.

_Sakura…_

He smiled despite himself, she was always the one to give him the answer. To every important question, the answer was always _her._

_Sakura…_

Finally setting her down his hands moved rapidly in a sequence of seals that were deceptively simple for what they were about to do. Sakura hadn't known he could do this. Had never thought for a second that in such a terrible moment Kakashi would have had enough curiosity to lift his headband and copy a medical technique. He was sure she would be upset, but that didn't matter.

All that mattered was that he couldn't live in this world without her, he _wouldn__'__t._

_Sakura…_

The chakra left his body rapidly and it was taking all his concentration to try to do this right. He had never used a medical jutsu before, despite all the times she had offered to teach him, and he never would again.

It ended abruptly, every drop of his chakra eaten by the jutsu- an odd sensation. He could feel his heart stop beating and his lungs cease to bring in air, could feel the blood stop pumping through his veins and the cool night air caressing his skin.

He wished he could hold her one more time and tell her the only truth that mattered. He wanted so desperately to kiss her lips and make love to her for hours.

And then his body hit the dew damp grass and he let those wishes go. Because as the darkness closed around his vision and narrowed his peripheral view to a pinpoint, her eyes opened and she began to breath.

_My love._

It was the most beautiful sight his eyes had ever seen.

* * *

><p>I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to write the sequel to <em>To<em>_love__a__man,_ but earlier tonight I was watching the final episode of Dollhouse (an amazing show!), and I finally had the right combination emotions to write this in a similar style. I had tried multiple times before to write this before now, but I could never get the tone write.

Anyway, I'm quite pleased with this endeavor and I consider it finished- so please don't ask me to continue this one further. Thank you, everyone, for reading. ^_^v


End file.
